


Nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me

by Kroolea



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Racism, Sad, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kroolea/pseuds/Kroolea
Summary: The words sting, more than anything Luz has heard.[[SPOILERS FOR AGONY OF A WITCH]]
Comments: 8
Kudos: 122





	Nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: 
> 
> Use of slurs toward Hispanic people. Unkind things are also said about immigrants in general.
> 
> \--
> 
> Title is taken from Home from Beauty and the Beast

Luz can't breathe.

Her vision is blurry with tears and her head is spinning. Her body aches from being thrown. Lilith is talking but Luz can't hear her.

Lilith turns to her, her expression angry. "Go back to your world, this one's ours." A cruel smirk slips across her face.

The words sting, more than anything Luz has heard.

_"Go back to your country, wetback!"_

_"Useless immigrants!"_

_"Deport them all!"_

_Go back to your own country!"_

Luz is five years old the first time someone tells her to go back to her own country. She is on the playground playing with her kindergarten class when she accidently trips another kid. He turns around, covered in dirt and yells it at her.

She doesn't understand.

Later that night her mother is tucking her in when she asks about it. Her mother's face goes pale and she smoothes Luz's hair back.

"Some people believe that people who look or sound different are bad. He probably doesn't actually believe that, he probably heard it from his parents."

"But why did they say that?"

"Some people are just like that."

Luz still doesn't understand but she nods and closes her eyes.

Luz is ten when her class has a substitute teacher for English. She reminds Luz of a librarian with her glasses low on her sharp nose and her white curly hair.

Luz is good at English, she's been speaking both it and Spanish since she could speak. So she doesn't give it a second thought as she gives her presentation to the class.

The substitute smiles at her as she sits down. "Good job, Luz. Your English is very good for a Spanish speaker."

Luz smiles. "I grew up speaking both." She explains. The woman frowns.

"It was a compliment." She huffs, motioning for the next student to begin.

Luz quickly blinks away tears. She doesn't understand why she was to be good at English "for a Spanish speaker." She has spoken it forever, her first words were in English, she was born in America.

She tells her mother about it over dinner, her mother shakes her head. "Some people are just like that, Luz."

Luz isn't five anymore, the answer doesn't pacify her like it once did. "But why? They aren't better than me!"

Her mother sighs. "I know they aren't, mija. But some people believe that they are. You'll learn to ignore their comments and shine."

Luz shines alright. She shines brightly for everyone to see.

Her peers and teachers call her wild and a troublemaker. Her mother tells her to try to fit in.

Luz knows she'll never fit in, to fit in she'd have to have blonde hair and blue eyes, a few freckles and pale skin.

By fourteen she knows the detention administrators and the desk in the corner very well. She pretends to not hear the others in detention with her, the ones who say "I'm not surprised _she's_ in here."

She pretends to not see the ones on the news, the ones with their signs and their hatred. The ones that cry _"build a wall"_ and those words she heard a long time ago and never stopped hearing.

The words the bullies tell her.

The words she hears when she speaks Spanish in public.

"Go back to your own country."

Luz is fourteen when she ends up in a magical land like from a fairytale, she is in awe. In The Boiling Isles she is not thr weirdest one, she doesn't stick out because of her skin or because of the languages she knows. Her friends don't make cutting remarks about her culture. No one does.

She likes it here. She finds herself dreading the day she has to go back. Sure, life here is hectic and Eda is always on the run from the law.

But she likes the freedom she has.

Until now.

Now, Lilith's cruel words echo in her head. Repeating over, and over, and over again. They're the only words she can hear.

Go back to your world.

Go back to your world.

Go back to your world.

She drags herself back to The Owl House, every step engraves that sentence deeper and deeper into her heart.

Go back to your own ~~country~~ world.

She suddenly feels a thousand years old, she feels more exhausted than ever before.

She understands how her mother feels when she comes home after a busy day and cries because people can be insufferable. She understands why her mother tried so desperately to hide why some people didn't like them.

She wants to go home, but where is home?

She isn't sure.

**Author's Note:**

> When I watched the scene this is about I instantly found it interesting that Lilith tells Luz to back go back to her own word because this one [The Boiling Isles] is theirs. This is very close to the words "go back to your own country, this one's ours" that ive heard people tell me and other Spanish speaking people.
> 
> Please tell me what you thought!


End file.
